Summer 2023 In Review

Since I started blogging some 20 years ago I have always wondered just how personal to be. The early, early days of blogging were journal-like. The ins and outs of our days, random things we were thinking about, and even the most god-awful playlists known to man I’m sure. As blogging grew in popularity and evolved, it became much more about having a niché and what you could bring to the table with your own unique perspective. Evolution sometimes has felt like the human element has been removed. Sure, everything we write and post is highly curated with our tastes, seal of approval, and preferences, but it’s very surface-level. On the other hand, you don’t want to be spewing a ton of information in an age where your information and your data are probably your biggest form of currency. It’s a double-edged sword.

2023 has been a year of transformation, and not just with myself. A lot of people, including bloggers and content creators I’ve followed for years are going through it too. When I saw others talking about their own transformations and journeys this year it got me looking more at my own. I'm just really proud of all the progress I’ve made, the setbacks I’ve managed, and all the laughs in between. Since this blog doesn’t have a kitschy creative name and is based on the human being behind the screen, I thought I would bring it online.

June

June is always a bit of an odd month. It comes after my birthday in May when I’m usually adjusting to a new age (trying not to have an absolute meltdown). This year was my first birthday without my dad so I really took a lot of time to work through things and spend more time doing things I typically wouldn’t. I continued on with my therapy and worked on little homework assignments that were used to push me to new limits.

Boundaries have been a big struggle and I found myself wondering if I really could ever progress with them. Ultimately the people who disrespect the boundaries never really respected them to begin with, and I made a point to take 10 more steps back from people like that. I started seeing a nutritionist on a regular basis to deal with my stress eating and figuring out how to deal with the effects some foods have on my body.

Father’s Day was a struggle even if my dad wasn’t a real big Father’s Day kind of guy. I spent the day trying to distract my sister and my mom which ultimately meant putting on a super brave face for everyone else. It’s hard to be upset and work through things when others are struggling to find the right way to manage. I really focused on getting out and having fun. Something which led me to battle myself over bad behaviors that had returned and unlearn the guilt I had forced upon myself for so long.

July

I really missed traveling but I wanted to get out of town which lead to the perfect chance to explore places in Arizona I had never really been before. The goal was really to just get out of my every day, normal routine and the places I am used to. To enjoy some space away from the craziness and have some fun. Jerome was awesome. I loved all the touristy things and exploring a place I didn’t really know much about. I wanted to learn everything there was to know about this mining town and it’s hauntings. I visited the museum and landmarks. I enjoyed wine tasting rooms and gelato while casually walking the streets to the general store. Small town living isn’t for me, but being in a different environment for a few days was the R and R I needed.

Going away made me anxious. After everything my family has gone through it was hard to not be so close by if they needed something. But the truth is, I think that’s probably the reason I really needed to go. Another exploration of boundaries and living life for myself, I suppose. I worked a lot, continued working on content, and even saw the Barbie movie - which like many others made me sob like a baby. The Barbie marketing boom left a huge hole in my wallet (#iykyk).

Arizona had the hottest month ever which was a struggle. Not just healthwise but it was a situation that pushed me back into my far more introverted past. The heat made it nearly impossible to want to go anywhere and do anything that wasn’t absolutely essential, but staying inside was bound to have more negative effects on my mental health. To counteract this, I made it a point to push myself to do things at least a couple of times a month for the rest of the summer to get some balance.

August

August was the most transformative month of all for me. I was forced out of my comfort zone a few times and what I realized is I am capable and strong enough to do things. I need to stop making excuses or thinking about others so much before I do something. If I want to do something, I’m going to do it. Changes like this can be scary but fun and exciting at the same time. I made time for self-care including continuing to see a nutritionist to hopefully manage my reaction to foods and stress eating much better.

I traveled alone for the first time for work, and I really loved it. I wondered why I didn’t do it more. Everything I wanted to do was up to me (except for the work stuff) and when I wanted to do it. I got to have fun and meet new people (in person at least), and I was pleasantly surprised by myself. Not even surprised but really proud as cheesy as it is. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been able to break the shell I had pushed myself into and really grow into someone I can be proud of. Someone who doesn’t shy away from sharing their thoughts in front of a crowd, presenting their ideas, and asserting herself in the best way possible. I loved that experience and when I got home I wanted to keep that girl going.

It got me considering my career and where that was going. To speak up, show gratitude, and really see the value I bring rather than being pushed down by imposter syndrome. August gave me the opportunity to stop and look around. To see where it is life goes next, and to be bolder. Take chances that the old me would have found plenty of reasons to talk myself out of.

Heading into the months ahead, it’s going to get harder and harder to deal with the loss of my dad. Even during the summer months, August especially, there were so many times I wanted to ask him so many things. I would send the messages out into the void and hope for an answer. My dad loved the holidays and it’s going to be hard for all of us to manage, but I just need to remember the things I have learned about myself over the past few months to make it through.

Summer is always a time when things change. Even growing up when it was time to go back to school, it was always exciting to start new and be the person Seventeen Magazine told me to be for the year ahead (even if that lasted a few fickle days). It feels the same as an adult. Going into this fall, it feels like I have grown and become a better version of myself, and while that is always going to be a work in progress, it really feels exciting.