I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t feel like I should be even writing this. In fact, I’ve deleted it and started over multiple times. But then I realized, that really is kind of the point. Confidence isn’t easy for most people and I know that better than anyone. There are super highs, super lows, and there are a lot of tests thrown around almost daily. Being comfortable with who we are can be really difficult and we probably may never reach a point where we have it fully together. I definitely feel much more confident in my 30s than I have felt most of my life and I am incredibly grateful for that even if it can be hard sometimes.

At its most basic, confidence is the belief in yourself in your abilities whereas self-esteem is more centered on how you appreciate and value yourself which comes across in your behaviors, relationships, and words. They both really go hand in hand, but working on confidence is important because it is the driving force of our lives. It is how we move through life with intention right down to what we think, say, feel, or do on a daily basis. For years I have battled with not only body issues but dealing with negative situations that put an impact on my mental and physical health. Learning about ourselves as it relates to confidence is all about learning these strengths and weaknesses because they dictate how we interact. For example, a negative situation, like the one I experienced, can wear someone down, make them question their worth, and as a result, they are willing to accept more negative behaviors due to their low self-worth - something I know firsthand.

There is a difference between having confidence and being self-absorbed or self-centered. Arrogance is often motivated by low self-worth whereas true confidence and self-esteem are just the opposite. Sometimes I like to take the fake it till you make it strategy. Pretend to be confident, say kind words, and eventually, you’re bound to believe them. In all honesty, as I said, self-esteem and confidence are tricky issues and they might even be more deeply rooted in growing up than I, or we, even know. But there are a few things I’ve tried that help me on my quest to just know my worth - not the worth others place on me.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Practicing kindness with oneself is actually really hard. Working on confidence is a marathon, not a sprint. It doesn’t just arrive overnight just like the self-doubt didn’t. If things don’t go as planned or you let yourself down, it’s okay. On days when I don’t make it to the gym, I spend plenty of time beating myself up but try to tell myself it’s gonna be okay. Tomorrow is a new day and we are gonna make it happen. And on other days when things feel incredibly rough, it’s important to find at least one positive thing to recall. This is why I love the 5 Minute Journal because it encourages (actually forces) me to find the small parts of my day that are important to acknowledge, show gratitude for, and celebrate. If we wait to celebrate all the incredible things, we will really only be celebrating a few times a year.

AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations can feel cheesy sometimes, but I promise you they are so worth it. Most of the time we talk to ourselves in ways that we would never talk to our friends. The way we speak to ourselves really does matter, and it’s really easy to find something negative. There are a ton of ways to get in affirmations whether you recite them to yourself in the mirror, use an app, or even set little reminders on your phone throughout the day. One of my horoscope apps sends out a daily affirmation as soon as I wake up so I can start the day on a positive note rather than literally anything else. I’ve seen people recommend writing them down and sticking them to the mirror to be reminded of them and others use meditation apps that have them recite positive affirmations throughout the practice to change the mindset. Another thing that has really helped me is an idea I stole from Kendall Jenner that has worked surprisingly well. I hung a photo of myself as a child on the mirror and any time I want to say something horrible about myself or my body (one of my biggest issues), I ask myself if I would ever say that to the small version of me or want anyone to say that to me. As ridiculous as it may sound, it works.

DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE - UNAPOLOGETICALLY

This one is probably the biggest piece of advice I could give anyone. For years I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome and looking at the world around me while wondering why it is those people have everything. It’s really just a bad mindset to get into especially when it comes to body image. One day I just decided that there really wasn’t any reason I couldn’t have or do the same things others were doing. Once I really made the commitment and started focusing more on putting energy into creating I was able to see a different side of myself. The battle against the negative self-talk and what will people say still arises from time to time, but overall the more I was able to gain back the confidence I had lost, show the world my perspective and who I am while spending time on something that was positive rather than negative behaviors. You may not love to run a blog or create social content as I do, but there is something you love doing that makes you happy and confident and that you should continue doing and not give a single hoot about what anyone has to say about it. And if people don’t like it, they can just keep it to themselves.

PRIORITIZE SELF CARE

Self-care feels like a buzzword lately, but it really honestly can make a huge difference. Self-care takes many different forms and can even be unique to each person. Even my definition of self-care can change on a daily basis depending on what I need. Ultimately, it all goes back to the same idea: How we treat ourselves is literally a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Taking the time to do something as simple as going to the farmers market, exercising, meditating, or even just going to bed early can show you just a little bit of extra care, and over time it can add up to big results.