Getting Rid of Negative Self Talk
Hello, my name is Nicole and I am prone to extreme bouts of negative self talk. The type of mental Olympics where I tear myself up for tripping on nothing or messing up on a project for work. The little voice that won’t let me forget how dumb that joke I made to the AAA guy was especially when he didn’t even know I was joking. Negative self talk isn’t just an inner critic giving your less than stellar feedback. It actually takes many forms and has serious consequences on our health. It effects not only your mind but your body and life.
Negative self talk enables us to create fake scenarios that limit our ability to reach goals and try new things. No one is immune from having a bad day, but it’s when these bad days begin to take on a whole new meaning that negative self talk really takes over. It’s kind of like a snowball rolling down a hill just collecting more and more snow as it goes. There are a few ways of dealing with negative self talk and we are gonna learn about them together.
What is Negative Self Talk?
Before we can attempt to get rid of our negative self talk patterns, we should probably understand what it is. Self talk is, according to Project Harmony, the internal dialogue you have about a situation or issue. When this discussion begins to take a negative turn it can become harmful. Negative self talk is more than just that nagging voice that tells us not to buy a dress or not to apply for a job because we know we won’t get it. A mindset of limited thinking means you begin believing what you tell yourself the more you hear it. Perfectionism can also enable more negative self talk because you feel as though you will never be perfect and what others consider great, isn’t as good as it could be. Negative self talk can leave you feeling stressed and depressed not to mention with a lower self esteem and relationship problems.
But all is not lost. While the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows all the time, it’s important to have a few tools in the belt for when negative self talk begins to get the best of us.
Take Out the Trash
Being upset about something you’ve done or said is normal. Perhaps a person or people are making you feel as though you are aren’t good enough. Maybe their actions have a negative effect on you. At a certain point, you have to get rid of the negative feeling a situation has on you. Feel the feeling, accept it, and then let it go. However you are feeling doesn’t have to define you and usually in situations where other people were present, they’ve already forgotten about it. It’s not always easy to say “oh forget it” and have it be gone. But the more we produce negative energy, the less positive energy we have to share with others and the world at large. Your energy speaks for you when you enter a room so why wouldn’t you want it to be positive?
Shift Your Perspective
When you’re feeling down for long periods of time, you may begin to consider you’re putting too much energy into something that isn’t that big a deal. Is whatever you’re beating yourself up about going to matter in 5 years? What about in 10 years? If not, realizing these issues are causing you unnecessary fear and anxiety can help you set them free. Worrying about “what ifs” and trying to live up to unrealistic expectations can cause a lot of anxiety so it’s best to face them head on. Every negative thing you’re worried about has a solution. A positive state of mind can help you view these problems in a new lens and find the ideal solution that is going to make you wonder what you spend all that time worrying for in the first place.
Think Like a Friend
Our inner critic says things to us that we wouldn’t say to our best friend. When a bout of negative thinking occurs, ask yourself if this is something you would text to a friend right now? If not, shift your thinking. Can you turn that negative thought into a more positive one you would share with a friend? Something encouraging or funny? Most of the time our negative thoughts are things that aren’t entirely grounded in reality. Our friends are great sources for letting us know when we are a little off base. I know from experience I love having a best friend who listens to anything I have to say but will tell me when it’s pretty darn ridiculous.
At the end of the day, we are all going to experience a fair amount of negative self talk, but when the negative thoughts begin to overpower the positive ones, it becomes an issue. Like I said, negative self talk isn’t always grounded in reality. Thoughts can get skewed based on one person’s reaction or their bad day. These observations can set us on a path we didn’t really intend on visiting. Our thoughts and feelings about ourselves aren’t the way others see us so we naturally have a bias that tends to pick us apart.
I once read a quote that said it’s good to get out of your head because it’s a bad neighborhood. The passage also said to find the beauty in things because even on your worst day, no matter what it is, there is beauty there. It might just be a little bit harder to find, but you can do it. I think that’s a very important thing to remember. Bad days are going to come, but it’s how we manage them that matters.
